Disney World – Days 4 and 5 (October 2022)

It’s a Booze World After All

Despite the name of this blog, I’m not a heavy drinker…though I wouldn’t call myself a teetotaler either.

Back in the day, I was known for enjoying a few drinks with friends on a Friday or Saturday night out or savoring a good bottle of wine or two on someone’s back deck or dock boat. Back in college, I was too broke to spend a lot on alcohol, but still managed to scrape enough together for a few beers, or find my way into a frat party or two.¹ While sometimes a stiff drink is needed after a particularly long or stressful day, I usually didn’t go out of my way to get drunk. For that matter, I used to enjoy people watching when friends and I were winery hopping or attending one of Virginia’s big wine festivals.² Between pretentious suburbanites feigning their viticulture or wine tasting expertise, there were always the ones who neglected to keep hydrated on a warm and sunny day while drinking lots of “adult grape juice.”³ You can almost make a drinking game at those events based on the number of all dressed up and passed out inebriates being hauled away on cranky old golf carts. Actually, my one experience attending the Virginia Gold Cup was pretty much a perfect blend of wine festivals and frat parties…but with more flashers and streakers.

So, why am I talking about my drinking habits and experiences?

Funny you should ask…

In addition to all of the many other things we didn’t plan for or count on with this adventure, as it just so happens, we were visiting Epcot during Disney’s big International Food and Wine Festival!

While we first dismissed the large crowds as just par for the course with the Disney World experience, it became much more evident as we noticed others adorned in alcohol and drinking themed t-shirts that something was up. We walked around trying to see if any of the rides had short enough lines to justify waiting for them, but a big lesson learned here is the Epcot has far fewer rides, and their waits were all a minimum two or three hours. Michelle even asked about trying to sign up for the fast-track lines, but all of them were full for the day. In retrospect, we probably should’ve planned on a second day at the Magic Kingdom – we barely scratched the surface of everything you can do there, and I was already sure that Farrah wasn’t going to appreciate Epcot as much as someone a little older…or of drinking age. Resigned to the fact that even trying for one ride was probably out of the question (unless we wanted to blow a whole afternoon in one line), it was lunchtime and stomachs were growling, so we made way to the World Showcase where there would be plenty to choose from.

Drunk World Tour

Our first stop at the World Showcase was Mexico, which began to give us an idea of what we were in for. In addition to the regular food served at each country’s restaurants and eateries, there were kiosk booths set up with specialty food and drink menus – almost all of it adult fare, and at least a 30-to-45-minute wait. Not to mention that every table or sitting area was pretty much full with diners and drinkers. Pretty much the only places left to congregate around or sit your plates and drinks on were the trash cans, and even those were adorned with but heavily ignored ”NO LOITERING” signs. Wanting to find something we’d all enjoy, we turned around and toured in the other direction via Canada, United Kingdom and eventually France.

Imagine, if you will, a gigantic crowd of people, most in their 20s and 30s, but with a representative number of 40s and 50s. While many were pretty much dressed as we were in tourist/every day clothes, many wore some form of t-shirt emblazoned with any and all kinds of Disney character or Magic Kingdom drinking jokes and puns. And yes, we saw more sleeping babies and toddlers oblivious to everything going on around them. But apparently, the big running gag at Epcot is to say you went drinking around the world.

Still not seeing much regarding “kid friendly” fare in the festival offerings, we were on the lookout for any of the quick service or sit-down options, finally opting for sandwiches and desserts at Les Halles Boulangerie-Patisserie in France. At that point, we probably would’ve eaten just about anything, but the sandwiches not only filled us up, but were pretty good, and the selection of desserts weren’t bad either.

Fed and a bit more energetic, we toured the rest of the countries, still winding our way through tipsy crowds while poking in and out of gift shops and stopping to watch some of the cultural events. Farrah was a trooper indulging us by walking along, but eventually caved from the sun and heat to ride along in the stroller, and she was bored to tears the cultural offerings only amused her so much. By the time we rounded Germany or China, we were tired of fighting through the crowd and made the executive decision to call it a day with Epcot.

Some Pool Time and the Last Night

Since we returned to the hotel suite far sooner than anticipated, we cheered Farrah up with some pool time. This had the added bonus of wearing her out and hopefully making getting her down at bedtime a lot easier.

Since it was our last night, we went back to Disney Springs in hopes of having a good sit-down meal. As we toured the parking garages, it was very clear that it was a busy night and we ended up parking further out than the last time. As we walked around, the place was wall-to-wall people, and if we didn’t already have concerns about Florida’s hot zone status during COVID, we certainly did now. Sadly, every restaurant was either reservation only (again, we should’ve made them months ago), or at least a two-hour wait to sit down. Frustrated and tired, we did some last-minute shopping, then back to the hotel via drive through for dinner. We spent the end of the evening packing and preparing for the trek home.

Back to the Big Chill

In our trip planning, we tried to take into account that after several days of fun and getting up and hauling Farrah through two airports would make for a pretty unhappy child. Just as our flight to Orlando, we chose a mid-morning flight back, allowing us to get home by mid-to-late afternoon with plenty of time to unpack, get settled and make bedtime.

Just as finding our rental car was confusing, dropping it off was equally as mind boggling. We weren’t sure where to park until finally finding the drop off line. After being mostly sure the car bill was settled, we thankfully breezed through security much faster than last time (and I noticed TSA didn’t grill us as hard about Farrah as before). While it wasn’t a long time up in the air, the flight back was without wifi, so no watching anything you needed to stream. Somehow, Farrah’s tablet included downloaded cartoons, so she was blissfully entertained on the way home, though Michelle had plenty of time to get reacquainted with her flying anxieties. We arrive back in the chilled Autumn of Virginia with jackets ready as we stepped outside. Still a bit worn out, we splurged and took a taxi home rather than the Metro.

Genius Design and How Were We Not Eaten Alive?

After three days of being outdoors in the middle of Florida, one inescapable realization hits you – there are no mosquitos at Disney World. This was an observation made on my last visit here years ago, and didn’t go unnoticed this time, either. I mean, you’re in Florida – it’s a giant swamp. Despite any conspiracy theories you might find about its Mosquito Surveillance Program, Disney put some very creative design work into preventing mosquitos from partaking in the family fun. This includes building architecture, clever landscaping, specific foliage, and every water feature and specific rides have flowing water – all of which prevents pools of standing water that the bugs love. Apparently, Disney uses a special garlic spray that’s too light for people to notice, but enough to keep away the blood suckers. This may not sound like such a big deal, but if you’ve ever experienced a brutal summer in the South, then you’ll appreciate not being covered in bug bites after a day outside.

In addition, the level of detail that goes into the park’s design is staggering. They use special paints and visual tricks (e.g., forced perspective to make the castle seem bigger and grander), special vents at strategic places waft out scents like vanilla to encourage visitors to buy snacks, and underground tunnels to move employees in costume around and remove garbage from trash cans without anyone noticing. Apparently, Walt Disney’s original concept for Epcot was a sort of planned, utopian “city of tomorrow,” not too far-fetched from the concepts and designs that went into the “earth-toned paradise” of Reston, Virginia. Say what you will about the Disney machine, but they used every detailed trick in the book to create the perfect amusement park.

Lessons Learned

So, having done the trip, there are some big takeaways that definitely need to be kept in mind. If you’re planning a Disney World vacation, my humble recommendations are:

RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH! Disney offers all kinds of deals, plans, and specials, you just need to know where to look for them. We found a number of better ones after our trip and some of those are really expensive (I’m sure this is quite a shock to you), but worthwhile if you’re looking to take a group visit and/or cut past the waiting lines.
PLAN, PLAN, PLAN! Disney World is enormous – much bigger than it appears on the map. After just two days, we only tried a handful of the rides or treats. If you intend to see and do everything, you’ll need to plan on several days (at least) or multiple trips (if you’re like me, you can only do so much Disney anything before burning out on it).⁴
Make any reservations EARLY. I mean at least several months (if not more) in advance. Whether in the parks, at Disney Springs, or the surrounding resort areas, the restaurants, events, and specials fill up fast. Also, it being Florida, there’s really no “off season” where the demand might be lower.
Plan B options. Farrah being very young is easy to please if there’s a pool nearby, so when things didn’t go exactly as planned or hoped (e.g., Epcot), it was good to have the hotel pool as a fallback plan. Plus, there are Atlantic side beaches just an hour’s drive from Orlando, or about two hours away on the Gulf side. If you’re interested, NASA’s Kennedy Space Center isn’t too far away, but fair warning – the tours there aren’t that great.
Budget accordingly. Disney World is similar to Las Vegas in that everything costs money and there’s a gift shop or place for treats around every corner. While I can be a little bit cheap thrifty at times, remember that you’re probably there because it’s your little one’s dream come true. It’s worth it to spend a little extra for those smiles and memories.
Be comfortable, be safe, bring stuff. You’re going to spend A LOT of time outside, walking around, waiting, and probably getting sweaty and/or messy from spilled food and drink in the process. So, wear comfortable, durable clothes and good shoes. Also, Disney allows bags and backpacks, so bring extra clothes for the kids, sunscreen, hats, and even your own snacks and water.
On of off resort. We hemmed and hawed about whether or not to stay at one of the on-campus resorts. As typical for Disney, it costs a little more to stay at their resorts with all the conveniences of not worrying about parking or getting around via monorail. There are tons of hotels within a 10-minute drive from the parks if you need ways to save a little on your travel budget.
Special events mean shorter waits. If you’re visiting Disney for one of their seasonal/special events like the Halloween parade, the wait times for rides drop dramatically as they clear out the regular crowds.
Shit happens. If it looks like a hurricane may – quite literally – dampen your Disney World plans, remember that Florida and Disney are used to it, and unless a storm completely destroys the state’s highways or wipes the Magic Kingdom’s castle off the face of the Earth, their infrastructure will have everything back up and running in no time.

1 I never joined a college fraternity, and of the few frat soirees I attended, admittedly one was a toga party-themed affair. Between the mob of drunk and rowdy dudes, girls who looked like they really didn’t want to be there, and the overall was-this-place-cleaned-in-the-past-decade? condition of the Virginia Tech frat houses, I thought the frat party experience was very overrated. Unless you enjoy walking home tired, buzzed (not in a good way), covered in beer, and smelling like pot.
2 Virginia has advertised its wine industry for decades with more than a few wineries (hovering somewhere around 300, give or take). I believe neighboring Loudon County still holds the record for highest number of wineries in the Commonwealth, and information on all of the Virginia wineries is provided through the official site. Having visited enough of them for a decent representative sampling, I can tell you that while Virginia will never match what comes out of the Napa or Sonoma valleys, there are some wonderfully drinkable wines and I encourage exploring them. Just don’t blame me if you find a few you really don’t like, because God knows I found a few that I’ll never drink again.
3 For the record, I consider my own knowledge and experience with wines and viticulture as very limited and pedestrian, at best. I’ve read a few books, tasted a few wines, spent a week in Bourdeaux , but a sommelier I am not.
4 During our planning, there was some debate about squeezing in the Star Wars Galaxy’s Edge park and resort. As a long-time fan, I would’ve fit right in with all of the other middle-aged men reliving their youth, but it seemed like too much for the time we planned, and this was Farrah’s birthday present and first Disney trip, so it was all about her.